I have always enjoyed helping people my entire life. I have always put others before myself. Either in romantic relationships, friendships, even with people I just met. I once read that a codependent is addicted to helping someone and that they need to be needed. Before I went into treatment I always knew that I maybe had a slight problem with finding those who desperately seeked help and attention, and would spend every waking moment trying to find a solution. I would work myself up over trying to fix them that I would get physically sick. I realize now that I not only used drugs to fill the gap I had in my life and heart but I also used people.
I never knew a name for this other addiction of mine. In all honesty I had no idea that it was even an addiction. Much to my chagrin someone finally put a word to my problem "Codependency". It felt like I had finally connected all of the dots. Don't get me wrong, being codependent is not always a negative thing. In my case I always think I am doing a good thing even when it's harming me. I am focused 99% of the time on others that I never have "me time". Being focused on others all the time can be life threatening. I have recognized that I am able to give others great advice and help them but I am not able to take my own advice and help myself. I feel compelled and obligated to fix others but am not able to mend my own heart.
I once wrote a short explination of myself and my thoughts when I was feeling really depressed. Its titled "There Are Things"
and here it is....
There are too many problems left on my shoulder
Too many mistakes that I have lived for
Too many choices that I can't make
Too many false words that constantly fall out
I have lived a life full of wonder
Lived a life full of hate
Lived a life of nothing but fear
Lived a life thats done no one any good
I try to find myself to trust people
But I dont know what the world is all about
The last thing I want is to let peoples guard down
Why live such an unforgivable life
Why search for what I can't acheive
Why try to start a new beginning
When I know that this is the end
I believe that all life has meaning and that God has a plan for every human being. People will argue that statement just like they will argue wheather a codependent person is selfish or self-less. Either way I believe that God has much more in store for me than I have for myself. The only thing I can do is just take it one day at a time.
I never knew a name for this other addiction of mine. In all honesty I had no idea that it was even an addiction. Much to my chagrin someone finally put a word to my problem "Codependency". It felt like I had finally connected all of the dots. Don't get me wrong, being codependent is not always a negative thing. In my case I always think I am doing a good thing even when it's harming me. I am focused 99% of the time on others that I never have "me time". Being focused on others all the time can be life threatening. I have recognized that I am able to give others great advice and help them but I am not able to take my own advice and help myself. I feel compelled and obligated to fix others but am not able to mend my own heart.
I once wrote a short explination of myself and my thoughts when I was feeling really depressed. Its titled "There Are Things"
and here it is....
There are too many problems left on my shoulder
Too many mistakes that I have lived for
Too many choices that I can't make
Too many false words that constantly fall out
I have lived a life full of wonder
Lived a life full of hate
Lived a life of nothing but fear
Lived a life thats done no one any good
I try to find myself to trust people
But I dont know what the world is all about
The last thing I want is to let peoples guard down
Why live such an unforgivable life
Why search for what I can't acheive
Why try to start a new beginning
When I know that this is the end
I believe that all life has meaning and that God has a plan for every human being. People will argue that statement just like they will argue wheather a codependent person is selfish or self-less. Either way I believe that God has much more in store for me than I have for myself. The only thing I can do is just take it one day at a time.